In fact, that’s the very question that brought AttitudeZapz! —and my struggling spirit—to life. Like you, I’m guessing, I always felt there was something I could and should be doing that would make an impact, help people and change lives. Heck, change my life!
But I could never figure it out…
I tried and tried – even starting several businesses that were supposed to free myself and others from that struggle. But I was a dismal failure at each and every one of them. I never really felt like I was really helping anyone or doing anything that made a difference.
With each failure I sank deeper and deeper into depression…
I started believing my own negative self-talk. Maybe this WAS all there was for me…nothing special. Special was only for “special” people—certainly not me. One day, before giving up completely, I decided that maybe I didn’t know everything there was to know. That maybe there was something to all of the Personal Development stuff I kept hearing about.
So, I began paying close attention…
I read, listened, participated in telephone based seminars, attended live seminars and struggled to examine myself (and my life) from the inside out. I learned to meditate, and I learned how to visualize and I tried to practice all of the prescribed techniques as best I could. I started feeling better about myself and began believing in what I learned about the universe, the mystery we call life, myself and the reasons I was the way I was. It was nothing short of amazing—for a while.
But I couldn’t sustain it—and wondered, “Exactly who could?”
Knowledge of the head IS different from knowledge of the heart—that gut feeling that tells you what you’re learning makes sense and that you actually “get it”. You’re able to put it to work full-time as if it’s on autopilot and has become second nature to you. I’ve had some fabulous mentors and coaches and I’ve learned so much and I am so grateful for all that I’ve learned. But most of the practices and techniques I learned (you’re probably familiar with all of them) either required fierce discipline, were too difficult, sometimes boring, repetitious or time consuming to actually stick. I truly love to meditate, but I have 4 teens at home and 2 dogs, so finding quiet time is rarely an option. If the kids leave me alone, the dogs are either barking and scratching at the door, or jumping up and licking me to see if I’m still alive.
So where would I find the “quiet time” required to let what I’d learned sink in?
HA! No offense but, how did THEY do it? Were THEY kidding or what? In the end, I knew those techniques would NEVER work for me. I knew, on a conscious level, that if I didn’t change the way I thought about myself and my goals NOTHING would change for good. The work was too hard (much harder than I hoped it would be) and time was too scarce. My attention waned. I didn’t have it in me.
But there had to be a better way—I was sure of that much…
A better way, it seemed to me, would be one that was fun, easy and playful—joyful, even! A better way would bring with it deep, meaningful changes but not require so much darned disciplined or consume so much of what little time and energy I had to give. Up to that point, I’d tried so many different things, spent so much precious time and money and still didn’t find myself any closer to experiencing the lasting change I hoped I would.
That’s when I got really, really, really depressed…
You probably know what I’m talking about. It was the lying on the floor, heaving and sobbing, “What’s WRONG with me?” kind of depression that’s impossible to shake. It wasn’t pretty. And it went on. And on. And on. Days, weeks even. Until I got to the point where I just couldn’t absorb any more pain and suffering. I actually slammed my fist into my hand over and over and said, “NO, damn it! I’m NOT going to let you win. Right here—right now—in this very moment, I CHOOSE to be happy. Do you hear me??? I CHOOSE to be happy—right here, right now!!!”
And from that, a little tune popped into my head
Right here and now
I am happy
Don’t cha know?
I’ve been set free
I started singing it over and over, again and again, day after day…
And (best of all) it never once felt like work! It got stuck in my head all on its own. I couldn’t help but keep singing. Suddenly, I didn’t feel so depressed any more. I felt better than I had in a long time. So I kept on singing. Then it dawned on me. “Maybe THIS is it!” Maybe THIS was the “better way” for me that I’d been yearning for. It was fun, easy and playful—joyful, even! I made up jingles for all kinds of emotions. One day my daughter said, “Mom, what if these could make OTHER people feel better, too?”
That’s what started it all…a little song that got stuck in my head!
That little song eventually got me thinking of ways I could help YOU use AttitudeZapz! to change the way you think, behave and choose to believe in your dreams. Bringing this idea—my own dream—to fruition has hardly been a piece of cake. Singing these jingles to myself was one thing, but to bring them to the world was another. I had to write music and the only instrument I play is my iPod for cryin’ out loud. Yeesh!! But a strange coincidence brought me to a music arranger (Rob Passow) who helped me make the music. And there’s been lots of other things happen too. But it’s been a labor of love that’s found me putting myself out there (we all know how that feels), opening myself up to criticism and weathering a storm of people ready and willing to do just that. I’ve had my share of ups, downs, hard work, frustration—every emotion you can think of. That’s the stuff it takes to build dreams. But, through it all, I’ve kept singing. And singing. And singing.
And now I offer up my songs to you with the truest of hope and best wishes, that in some small way I can help you to find and follow your dreams as well—Right Here! Right now!
Get Your Attitude Zapz!
If you haven’t done so already, just hit the play button to listen to your first AttitudeZapz! ‘Attitude of Gratitude’ for free. Listen to it as many times as you like. Go on – get it stuck in your head! If you would like to get the download version to play on your iPod, please sign up (above, at right) and a download link will be sent to you immediately.
